Whatever shall I say??

The lovely Lady M wrote a post yesterday that really resonated with me. What to do when one's day seemed boring? Does one blog anyway?

I've not posted much this week because I don't know what to write. I've struggled with this before.

I have a hard time choosing WHAT to write about... so much so that I sometimes don't write anything for fear that it will be a boring list of what we did today.

One of my reasons for trying to blog is to practice writing more descriptively. As a science teacher, I write procedural things - very specific, no pronouns, to the point, leave no room for questions. Sometimes I start a post and it begins to sound this way. I usually don't have a "natural flow" for writing... I tend to belch it all out on the page as kind of a list, and then I have to go back and flesh it out with descriptives.

Sometimes I get writer's block for my blog because I think of several things to write about, but doubt whether anyone wants to read about it. Other times, I run out of time and go several days without posting. (You have to understand that I walk around mentally pointing out situations that could be considered blog-worthy, if properly described.) Then I feel overwhelmed because I don't know what to post about.

It doesn't really help that the first blog writer I started reading on a regular basis was Mir at WouldaCouldaShoulda and WantNot. She's just brilliant and witty and funny. Somehow I got it in my head that every post I write should be like that.

Suddenly, though, after reading Lady M's post, I realized (again) that I just need to write. This blog is so therapeutic for me. It feels good to write, to get my thoughts organized, and to have a place to record memories. Diaries or journals never worked for me because I my hand gets tired before I get finished, and I always feel the need to go back and edit things to make the words flow more smoothly. (Someday I'd like to write a post with all of the original words still there, but marked through, just so you could see what I mean, except you wouldn't be able to read it because 75% of the words would be marked through.) But this blog is sort of like an interactive journal... it's fun to read other people's comments.

So, I've apologized to myself for doubting myself again, and for not writing for the last week. Clean slate! Start again! (Or maybe it's Continue!... whatever!)

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Essay

I'm a member at Work It, Mom!, which is a community for working moms.

Today, I recevied the following email:

Once a week, starting today, we will post a question or a topic on this blog and invite all of you to write your reactions to it by submitting it as a short article or essay to Work It, Mom! (Yes, you have to join the site, which will take just a few seconds, and our online article submission form is extremely simple. Plus you will have an article published with your own byline, which - ask any blogger or author - is a good thing.) Then post the link to your submission on your personal blog or email it to your friends and ask them to vote for your essay. The author of the essay on the weekly topic with the highest rating based on the highest number of votes will win a $50 gift certificate from Spafinder.com!

This week's question: If money was no issue, would you work and what would you do?

To read my essay, click the "Read More" below, and then go vote here. Thanks!

A Girl Could Get Used to This

I’m a self-professed nerd. I don’t wear a pocket protector, or have tape across the bridge of my glasses. Reading isn’t really a hobby; it’s more of a necessity. I read pretty much anything and everything, from the back of the shampoo bottle to Gray’s Anatomy.

I’m a perpetual student. Not in the classic sense – I don’t attend classes. However, there’s a special satisfaction that wells up inside me after I’ve learned something; I love to learn for the sake of knowledge. This is why I read.

I believe that my love of learning is what makes me a good teacher. I teach high school science – physical science, biology, environmental science, and chemistry. My deepest desire for my students is for them to relish that feeling of success that comes from learning something, to become so addicted to it that they constantly strive to better themselves, that they never become complacent. Even deeper than that, though, is my desire for them to apply that fervor to their relationship with their Savior, Jesus Christ, to constantly strive to become more like Him.

I live for those “Aha!” moments in my classroom, that defining moment when I can see the light bulb switching on above their head, and their eyes light up with understanding. Sometimes that’s a direct result of something I’ve said or done, but my very favorite times are when they’ve sweated through a problem or misunderstanding for as long as it takes to GET it. Then they look up with pride in their eyes, and the surge of adrenaline that accompanies the “I did it!” makes them want to do more. I celebrate those moments with them; I shout and clap and dance and sing for them, but sometimes only on the inside, depending on the personality and motivation of the student.

I’ve taught for seven years and never taken a summer “off”. I’ve taught summer school or worked. In the summer of 2004, I had our son, but I was so sick afterward that I don’t really count that summer as “off”. Even after he was born, I worked or took classes during the summers.

Until now. This year, I remembered that one of the reasons I wanted to teach is that I would have time off with our children. This year, I had my own “Aha!” moment. We have a son now, and that time that I always dreamed about is here. I get to have time off with our son.

I’ll admit that I wondered how I could compete with his playschool in terms of friends to play with and activities to do. Could I really keep him happy at home? I had no intention of finding a zillion things to do in order to fill every second of every day. After all, that wouldn’t make much of a vacation for me. My life is scheduled to the minute every single day during the school year. There was no way I’d do that to myself during the summer, too.

So… I’ve slept in until 6:45 or 7:00 every morning instead of getting up at 5:00 and leaving before the rest of my family is even awake. I’ve made breakfast for my husband every morning and packed his lunch. I’ve gotten early morning cuddles from my son, those sweet, sleepy, heavy, warm cuddles, just after he wakes up, every morning. I’ve colored pictures, rolled play-doh, put together puzzles, blown bubbles, watched movies, swam in the pool, and read books by the dozen. I’ve planned menus, purposefully gone to the grocery store, hunting down the best bargains, instead of dashing through grabbing something quick to eat, and cooked dinner most nights. I’ve caught up on laundry and thoroughly cleaned the house. I’ve not been too exhausted at the end of the day to spend quality time with my husband. I’ve not felt guilty for not doing laundry on Saturdays when family is here.

I’ve also realized that those same “Aha!” moments I’ve cherished with my students are ten million times more powerful when I experience them with my son. I refuse to feel guilty about it, but I wonder how many of those moments I’ve missed because he had them at playschool. I know I’ll never be around for all of his light bulb moments, but I’ve really enjoyed experiencing more of them this summer.

I’ve realized that those same desires I have for my students – to succeed, to take pride in their work, to strive for greatness – run ten million times deeper in my heart when they’re passionate desires for my son. I want to be around more to help ingrain those characteristics in him.

This summer has been like a hit of a new drug, and I’m addicted. My catch phrase has been “A girl could get used to this.” I tell that to my husband every morning when we’re eating breakfast together. We do have plans for me to stay home when we have our second baby, hopefully next summer, but it almost can’t come fast enough.

As passionate as I am about my teaching, I’d give up my classroom in a heartbeat. I like to think of staying home as just getting a new teaching job. One at which I feel slightly unprepared, but still fully capable. I’ll learn as I go, just like my first year in the classroom.

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